We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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