that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
