just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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