Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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