I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've blown a few things in my day
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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