I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
