Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
