I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
