made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
