it was like his penis was on wheels.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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