Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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