Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
