high people should be assigned attendants
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
