We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My bed smells like the plague
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
