Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
