Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize