i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
