Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize