I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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