i just had sex bonerless
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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