I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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