my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
not ubering you a puppy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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