You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
