.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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