If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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