Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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