Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
