Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
