A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
