the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
