I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
