It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
