u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
smell my finger.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
