There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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