when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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