I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
