ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
