john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
