i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
