Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize