i was born a porn star she said
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Found the puke drawer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize