roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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