I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
