sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
