and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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