My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
your like the ambassador to my penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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