I wish I could teleport
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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