I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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