I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
