You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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