I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
