I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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