dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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