just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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