You can't special order awesome
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
