So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
