Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
