i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
