I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
