we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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