hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize