I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
