I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
