the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize