I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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