My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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