Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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