Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
