His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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