and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
