I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
