it was like his penis was on wheels.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
