The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
