party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
