worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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